I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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