so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
