U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
