Umm I'm too high to move.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
