you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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