LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
