And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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