I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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