I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
