I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
