I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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