I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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