Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
