I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
