You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
