hotel room ftw
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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