Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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