i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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