The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
