Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
