I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
