He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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