I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
