If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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