Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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