so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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