My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
