goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
