Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
