Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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