i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
