You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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