Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
