This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
