They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
