It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
