I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
