2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
