Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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