There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
