That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
