If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize