Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
