dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
