you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
