fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
