its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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