What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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