Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
