I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
