It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
