what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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